Redemption
by tigress33
Summary: PERMANENTLY INCOMPLETE. Six months after leaving for Venice, Jess goes back to Stars Hollow to tie up the loose ends. But he realizes that perhaps...this was home all along. December 2003 is a beautiful time. MY version of part of Season 4.
1. His Return

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Author's Note: Hello all! Well, thank you for reading and I hope you will stick with me. I just hated how Season 3 played out, the writers manipulated Jess' character into a complete jerk and so this is my way of redeeming him. So, I hope you enjoy, and please review!

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Could is really have been six months already? He found it hard to believe, but as he stared out the window to the Christmas decorations that were just starting to go up on the houses, he knew it was true. Yet some things didn't change. He sat at the same back seat on a bus with an olive green duffle bag next to him. The sun seeped into the windows on the other side, though, this time, splattering onto the vacant seat next to him. He tried to ignore the dread setting into his stomach. Why the hell was he going back? Venice was fine, even fun at times, but he still didn't know where he belonged. New York wasn't really his home, Venice wasn't really his home, was Stars Hollow his home? He couldn't even define the word _home_, he never could. No, take that back, that first kiss with Rory as a couple, by Gypsy's repair shop, that was the closest thing he could associate with home. 

But that was stupid. Home was a place, not a person. But was that the reason he was going back to Connecticut? Rory? If so, he really was being stupid. She had made it quite clear months ago that he had screwed up, too badly to ever fix, and she was over him and his petty attempt to be a boyfriend to her. She had spent a semester at Yale already, probably met some rich, intelligent gentleman-type and was dating him. She deserved that much, he never deserved her. 

That's why he pulled away. During their relationship he feared she would open her eyes, see the insecure little boy behind the witty, hard exterior and laugh in his face. There was no other reason why he had been such a crappy boyfriend to her.

And then there was Luke. He sighed, he didn't even want to think about all the shit he put his uncle through. Stars Hollow hated Luke for keeping him around, and he couldn't blame them. He could still remember the look of disappointment on Luke's face when he told him that he wasn't graduating high school. Yet Luke still tried to help him, saying that he could stay another year to graduate. And what did he do? Spat all that in his uncle's face and left with no note, no phone call, no _thank you_.

He leaned back on the bus seat, closed his eyes, and cringed. In retrospect, he had been such an ungrateful jerk to the people who had cared about him, even, perhaps..._loved_ him. He suddenly felt terribly ashamed and disgusted. Why in God's name was he going back? To cause them more pain? When he looked back on this day, he hoped he wouldn't think of himself as a selfish asshole again.

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Author's Note: I'm not sure how long this story will be, but we'll see. Please let me know what you think!


	2. Hi, Uncle Luke

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Author's Note: WOW! What a response to my first little chapter! Thank you so much! Okay, here's the next installment. I hope you enjoy! Please review.

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Luke heard the door bell jingle behind him. A customer, but it was late and he was closed. 

"I'm sorry, we're closed," Luke said, not turning around.

"Luke," the person replied.

Luke stopped cleaning the toaster and turned around. The voice was unmistakable.

"Jess," Luke said, unsure of how to proceed.

The two men looked at each other. Luke looked exactly the same - blue hat, scruffy beard, plaid shirt. Jess, however looked slightly different. His hair was shorter and lighter from the sun. He was also tanned.

"Can I sit down?" Jess asked after a long silence. 

Luke hesitated. "Sure."

Jess sat on a stool, folded his hands, and places them on the counter with his shoulders hunched. He gazed everywhere but at his uncle as he shifted uneasily in his seat.

"How...how are you?" Luke asked after another long silence.

"Alright," Jess replied equally uneasily. "You?"

Luke was surprised that Jess asked him a question back, at least feigning interest in his life. 

"Same, same," Luke answered.

Jess nodded, searching for something else to say. "So...how's Nicole?" 

"Oh, uh, well, we, uh, broke up," Luke rambled.

"I'm sorry," Jess said rather politely. He was relieved that his uncle hadn't kicked him out immediately, so he tried his hardest to be courteous.

"Don't be, it's alright. Just realized, you know, that we just weren't the right ones for each other. What about you? Some girl crazy enough to let you call her your girlfriend?" Luke replied.

Jess shook his head. "No one."

"I see."

"That you do."

There was more silence until Luke had to ask what was on his mind since Jess got back.

"Look, Jess, not that it's not, uh, interesting having you here again, but why exactly are you here?" Luke asked.

Jess looked straight into Luke's eyes and replied, "I don't know."

"Are you in any trouble?" Luke asked, concerned.

Everyone always thought he was in trouble if he came to them, but he couldn't blame them. "No, no trouble," Jess replied. At least not the trouble Luke was thinking about. Jess' _trouble_ was more elusive, a lacking in his life that he just couldn't pinpoint. 

Luke became flustered. "Well, does Jimmy know you're here?"

"Yeah, I told him that I was leaving for a while."

"So this isn't a permanent move back?"

Jess looked at Luke curiously. "You would consider having me back?"

Luke sighed. "I don't know, Jess. The way you left last time...I don't know. You just...it was really upsetting. I felt like I failed you but I also knew that I tried my best to help. But still, it just wasn't enough. So I don't know, I really don't."

"You did all you could, I just didn't wanna listen," Jess replied sadly. He had so much more to say before the air would be at least a little clearer between them. "Luke, I...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being the ungrateful prick that I am. And...thanks for...for not giving up on me until I pushed you too far," Jess said ineloquently.

Luke looked at his nephew as though he was a complete stranger. "You're welcome, Jess," he said, in amazement at Jess' humbleness.

Jess nodded his head and began digging through his duffle bag. He took out a white envelope. 

"Here," Jess said, pushing the envelope across the counter to Luke.

"What's this?"

"Open it," Jess said, shifting uncomfortably again.

Luke opened it. Enclosed was some sort of certificate and money. 

"For the damages at Kyle's house," Jess explained, looking at the money. "Sorry it took me so long to pay you back."

Luke smirked and looked at the certificate. 

"My GED. I took this easy test and it's the exact same thing as a high school diploma."

Luke's smirk turned into a genuine smile. "Good job, Jess," he said, a hint of pride in his voice. He passed the certificate back to Jess.

"Thanks. No, keep it. I'll probably lose it," Jess said, regarding his GED.

Luke laughed. "I'll frame it," he teased.

"Ah, jeez," Jess replied, slightly annoyed but smiling nonetheless.

"So, how's California?" Luke asked, happier.

"Hot," Jess replied.

"You don't say?" Luke retorted. Both men smirked.

Jess shrugged. "Jimmy owns a vintage hotdog stand in Santa Monica. I work at a bookstore near the beach. I consider it a step up from Wal-Mart."

Luke chuckled. "Do you have a group of friends of anything like that?"

"There are a couple of locals I sometimes hang with. Nothing big. How are things here? Taylor dead yet?"

"No, not yet. His Soda Shoppe is a big success, actually, which only inflates his overly-inflated ego more. But he pays his rent on time and so I really can't complain. But he's still as anal as ever."

Jess nodded in understanding. There was more silence, this time it was more comfortable though. 

"She's here, you know. It's her winter vacation," Luke said.

"Who's here?" Jess asked innocently.

Luke scoffed. "Okay, act like that if you want."

"She probably doesn't wanna see me," Jess said.

"You're probably right. I wanted to kill you after you left for hurting her like you did," Luke replied. 

Jess looked down at the counter. "She got over me."

"Who said?"

"She did."

"You called?"

"Sorta."

"Well, what was she supposed to say, Jess?" Luke asked, annoyed. 

"She got over me," Jess repeated, this time a little softer.

Luke sighed and shifted his cap. "Well, let's just say she has never brought a Yale guy home."


	3. Her Confession

He had forgotten how cold it was on the East Coast. There he was in a sweatshirt and denim jacket, freezing his ass off while walking down the empty streets of Stars Hollow. He really should go back to Luke's before his fingers turned blue, but he didn't want to. 

In the back of his mind, he knew where he was going, though he refused to let his heart admit it. He would only walk by, really, walk by and that's it. No, he'd walk by and remember all the times he walked up those porch steps, rang the doorbell and took her somewhere, anywhere, or stayed right there, eating her god-forsaken Indian food and watching some movie that he didn't really pay attention to because he as busy thinking about her. 

He suddenly stopped walking and turned to face the house. He was there, her home. No light came from any of the rooms, she must have been sleeping. It was one in the morning after all. He wanted to tap on her window, wake her up and...and what then? She would probably slam the window on his fingers while telling him to never come near her again. He deserved no less. 

"Jess," a voice said. 

Jess gulped, turned towards the voice and said, "Hi, Rory."

She looked clearly shocked to see him on her street, in front of her house, in the middle of the night, six months after he left no goodbye, no reason. Jess noticed small changes in her, like her hair was shoulder length now and she had filled out just a bit. He gulped again, she was as beautiful as he remembered.

"What...what are you doing here?" she asked, crossing her arms and looking at the cemented sidewalk between them. She had just come back from a secret get together with Lane and now Jess here...she was caught completely off guard. 

"Jess debated about whether to give her some asinine comment like, _It's good to see you too_, but opted not to be the asshole he usually was.

"I'm not sure," he replied.

Rory became clearly flustered and angry. "You're not sure? What do you mean you're not sure? You show up with no warning after no goodbye and you're not even sure why? Well, go be unsure somewhere else, Jess, anywhere else. Have a good night," she ranted, moving around him and walking up the steps of her porch. 

"Rory!" Jess called out.

She turned around. "What?" she asked, still angry.

Jess jammed his ice cold hands into his pockets and shifted uncomfortably, looking at the Gilmore lawn. It needed mowing.

Rory was just about to turn around and enter her house when Jess said, "I'm sorry." She looked at him.

"Is that it?" she asked impatiently.

Rory really wasn't making this any easier on him, but he couldn't blame her. "I'm sorry for being such a crappy boyfriend to you. you deserved better than me, you always did and I always knew it in the back of my head. I guess I was just waiting until you realized it."

She sighed, feeling tears creep into her eyes against her wishes. She was over him. She was over him. She was over him. But God, it was so good to see him again. No, she was over him, she was angry with him, he hurt her.

"You're wrong, Jess. I wasn't just slumming it with you, waiting for someone better to come along. You were the better that came along."

Jess was speechless. Talk about something striking his heart and leaving a bruise. What could he say? He suddenly didn't know any words. Words, words, he needed to find some!

Rory could tell that he was struggling to find something to say, but she couldn't last out here much longer without running into his arms and kissing him senseless. What? No, no, she was over him...right?

"Have a good night," Rory repeated softly, turning around, entering her house, and closing the door behind her. 

"You too," Jess whispered, finding his voice only too late.

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Author's Note: Thank you so much! Sorry it took so long to update and sorry it's so short, but I thought the first Rory/Jess scene should stand alone. I hope I will be able to update soon. Please review!


	4. Their Restlessness

Her heartbeat finally returned to normal after about five minutes of deep breathing on the other side of her front door. Jess was back, again. For how long this time, a week? She chuckled cynically. He would stay just long enough to leave his mark again on the town and cause her heart to regress six months to when she had been devastated about his departure. No, she would be strong and ward off those creeping emotions. She was over him. But she had been so forward with Jess just then..._why?? _

She had seen him for only five minutes and she was already a wreck. 

"Honey, is that you?" Lorelai asked, coming down the stairs in the dark.

"Yeah, sorry Mom. Just got back from Lane's," Rory replied, wondering if her voice revealed and of her previous shock. 

"So late? Were you and Lane out with those biker boys again? Didn't I tell you they were a bad influence?" Lorelai rambled on.

"Yeah, I guess I get that trait from my mother," Rory replied jokingly. "Anyway, I'm tired, gonna go to bed now," she added quickly, heading towards her room. She didn't think she could keep the facade much longer in front of her mom. She hand still shook as she turned her bedroom doorknob. She kicked off her shoes and collapsed onto the bed, wide awake.

She was so pathetic. He was just a boy, a stupid boy who ran away from his troubles again and returned...again. There were many boys out there in the world; at Yale there were 2,650 boys simply in the undergraduate program, and surely there was at least one who had caught her attention during the past semester. 

She remembered being mildly interested in that guy in her Modern Literature class with those hazel eyes, Robert Middly. But after having a few conversations with him and realizing he was as intelligent as a cactus, Rory decided her infatuation was rather superficial and stupid. How he was at Yale was still a mystery to her. But had there been no other man to sweep her off her feet? Nope. Nada. Out of 2,650 boys, granted she hadn't met all of them, none had affected her like Jess had. Like Jess did. 

She groaned in her bed and stuffed her face into her pillow. She wasn't over him.

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Jess couldn't sleep. He couldn't even read. He should have never come back. Already his mind was swarming with thoughts of Rory and he had only seen her for a brief moment. What would happen in the morning when she came into Luke's, ordered coffee and sat there, staring at her cup, twiddling her fingers anxiously, trying not to look at him?

This was completely ridiculous. He didn't know her anymore. No, how could he think that, he did still know her. He would always know her. He just didn't know what she had been doing for the past six months. Did she like Yale? What books had she read? Did she make a lot of new friends?...Did she have a boyfriend?

Jess mentally shrugged away the last question because he was pretty certain the answer was _yes,_ and he just had to accept that. Although Luke said she never brought a Yale guy home, she must have had someone she was interested in. Rory Gilmore was a find and anyone with a brain could tell that the moment she opened her mouth and said something witty; she would have been taken the first week of school, no doubt.

Jess sighed loudly on his bed as he listened to his uncle snore in the adjacent room. He was back in Stars Hollow, sleeping (well, at least lying) in the bed he had spent two year of his life in...now what? 

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"Honey, Mommy needs _Luke's_ right now!" Lorelai chimed somewhat impatiently as she scrambled to put her shoes on, hopping throughout the house on one foot and then the other. 

The door to Rory's room didn't budge open. Lorelai frowned and opened it to find her daughter sleeping in the previous night's clothes. 

"Rory, sweetie, time to get up. Luke's coffee is waiting for you..." Lorelai said, sitting on Rory's bed and shaking her gently awake. 

"Go on ahead, Mom, I'll just eat a Pop Tart," Rory mumbled, hoping her tiredness covered up her apprehension about going to _Luke's_. _Luke's_ equaled Jess. Jess equaled confusion, anger, resentment, excitement, and that funny churning feeling in her stomach that was not the result of lack of food. 

"But you were just talking yesterday when you came home of how you were so happy you could eat Luke's food seven days a week instead of just the two on weekends! This sudden change is frightening, you know. It's like saying you love coffee one day and then the next day opting to drink tea!" Lorelai rambled on as Rory grumbled something.

"What did you say?" Lorelai asked.

"I said it's not that big of a deal," Rory said more clearly this time. She would have _Luke's_ later, or maybe never, depending on how long Jess stuck around. 

"C'mon, up! Out of bed! It is a beautiful Sunday morning, time for some pancakes and bacon and omelets and coffee and coffee..." Lorelai said energetically as she dragged Rory out of bed and towards to bathroom to shower.

The shower hadn't washed away all the emotions of the previous night like Rory had hoped. Of course it was rather silly of her to wish that water could do such a thing, but she had to try. 

Her mother talked a lot on the walk to _Luke's_, but Rory really wasn't paying attention. All her thoughts focused on praying that Jess wouldn't be there. Maybe he left last night. A sinking feeling permeated her body at the thought, but she ignored it quickly. Maybe he wouldn't be working there, maybe he was sleeping or strolling around, or drawing more dead bodies on Taylor's doorsteps. She smirked happily at the memory. As her mom opened the door for her and Rory to enter, Rory chanted to herself that she could be spared an encounter with him this morning. No such luck. 

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Author's Note: SOOOOO SORRY it took so long to update. I've just finished high school and all the graduation preparations and finals and whatever took up all my time. Now that it is summer break, I'll hopefully be able to write more, that is, before college starts. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm not quite sure where the story will go, I'm just writing what comes to mind. Thank you to all my reviewers, I can't believe the overwhelming support you've given this story. Please review this chapter and let me know what you think! 


	5. Lorelai's Outrage

The doorbell jingled and Jess' head shot up quickly but casually, trying desperately to feign calmness. At every jingle he would perform this charade in the hopes that he would appear to Rory a stoic being who was unaffected by their encounter the previous night. He was only kidding himself.

And indeed, Lorelai and Rory walked through the door just as Jess was finishing wiping down the counter for another set of customers. Rory's eyes locked with his while her mother was still talking energetically to her, unaware of what caught her daughter's eyes.

Lorelai sensed that Rory's attention was elsewhere when she delivered her punch line, which was met by no laughs from her daughter. She followed Rory's eyes to behind the counter...what could be so interesting about Luke today? A different colored cap? Only it wasn't Luke. 

"What the hell is he doing here?" Lorelai asked Rory angrily, the volume of her voice catching the attention of other customers. 

Rory gulped. "I...I'm not sure Mom, he never really explained that," she replied calming, trying to ease the situation as best as she could. She hated when the town people stared at her.

"What do you mean by that? You spoke to him? When? How come you never told me? What's going on?" Lorelai asked, now practically hysterical. Just when she thought her daughter was finally getting over the hurt and disappointment Jess inflicted onto her, he had to come back and screw everything up. 

"I just saw him for a second last night. Look, Mom, if you want to talk to me about this, then let's go back home. We don't need the whole town as our audience," Rory said, trying to steer her mom out the door.

"No! I want answers, and if you can't give them to me, then James Dean over there will," Lorelai replied, striding right up to the counter and looking at Jess angrily. 

Jess, like all the customers, had heard Lorelai's shock. But unlike the customers, Lorelai chose to shout it to the world while everyone else, even Miss Patty, only whispered about his return and the possible reasons why.

"Hello Miss Gilmore," Jess said respectfully though never taking his eyes off hers. "What are you doing here?" Lorelai asked straightforwardly. No banter, no ramble, no quips, nothing. Jess was grateful that there was about a foot and a half of granite counter between them; Lorelai might have strangled him if it wasn't there. 

"I..."

"Cuz I really don't understand you. I tried, really I did. I thought I could trust you with Rory, trust you not to hurt her. But you did. You broke her wrist, then you dated her, and broke her heart! What right do you think you have to come and weasel your way back into town?" Lorelai was furious, and it honestly scared Jess. 

He was silent.

"Answer me, God damn it! What? No sarcastic, one-word replies? Losing your touch, Jess? Are you finally realizing what a jerk you are? You come into town a complete wreck, cause Luke an enormous amount of pain, flirt with my daughter, which leads to her breakup with the best first boyfriend she could have asked for, neglect her like I neglect the front lawn when you two finally get together, and then ditch her with no phone call, no letter, not even a 'Sorry Rory, but I'm such a coward that I didn't even have the decency to tell you that I'm leaving to your face!' I can take you being an arrogant jerk to me, but I cannot stand here and let you hurt the people I love anymore. You're a lost cause."

Lorelai finished her rant to a silent diner. All eyes were on her, all voices quieted by what she had to say. Granted she loved attention, but this wasn't quite the attention she was aiming for. 

"Nothing to say?" Lorelai asked Jess quietly, but sternly.

Jess looked down to the counter and then back at her. Everything she had said, no matter how harsh, was completely true. 

"I..." Jess' voice trailed off. He was perfectly aware of what a complete bastard he had been to these people and this town, but he didn't need Lorelai restating it, in front of a whole crowd no less. No, he didn't need that. "You know what? Forget it, I'm the lost cause, right?" Jess asked angrily, but with an almost untraceable hint of sadness in his voice. 

Lorelai didn't catch it, but Rory did. Jess walked around the counter, grabbed his jacket, and went out the door. 

"Nothing's changed," Lorelai said as she and the other customers watched Jess leave. 

"Lorelai, what's going on?" Luke asked, coming into the diner with a bag of groceries from _Doose's_. Lorelai was standing in front of a stool, red in the face, with Rory looking depressed a few feet behind her. 

"Jess is back and you didn't bother telling me?" Lorelai asked accusingly.

Luke frowned. "He just came back last night."

"Oh, so you didn't think you should call me and say, 'Hey, Lorelai, don't come over today, the devil child is here.'?"

"You sleep in late and you probably would have fallen asleep again thinking it was some dream and come over anyway. Lorelai, really, I did think about telling you, and I was going to when you came in today. But then I realized we were out of peanut butter and Kirk wouldn't shut up about a peanut butter and banana sandwich," Luke explained. 

"Soft bananas, please. Kat Kirk might have loosened one of my teeth," Kirk said from a nearby table. Luke ignored him.

Lorelai wasn't in the mood for a completely logical explanation. But she wasn't mad at Luke at all, she realized. "How could you take him back after acting like Good Will Hunting on crack before?" she asked him. 

"He's family and he's grown up more now. I...I just can't give up on him," Luke replied honestly, taking the groceries to behind the counter and opening the peanut butter.

"Well, he ran out of here just like any other time. Didn't strike me as a really adult thing to do," she replied incredulously, purposely ignoring the fact that her shouting at him wasn't very mature either.

Luke knew better than to question her about what she could have possibly said to Jess to make him leave. "I'm sorry. Can I get you something to eat that'll harden your arteries?" 

Lorelai smirked. "Chocolate chip pancakes with a side of bacon," she said, sitting at the counter in front of Luke. He sighed and mumbled something about dying at the age of forty from a heart attack. She swiveled around on the stool to call out behind her, "Rory, honey, what do you want?" But Rory wasn't there. She wasn't even in the diner anymore. 

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Author's Note: Yay!! I got lots of reviews that made me happy! You guys are SO supportive, it makes writing so much more fun. Thanks for everything, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Jess needed a verbal beating, don't you think? Well, next chapter is what I'm sure many of you are looking forward to, more Rory/Jess interaction. 

**I had NO clue that they canceled Jess' spin-off show until some of the reviewers said so. **I was shocked. I can't decide if this is a good or a bad thing. I like Jess the character on Gilmore Girls and felt that his departure was premature cuz they could have REALLY, REALLY extended the Rory/Jess relationship into a whole new area that would have brought new light to the good girl/bad boy relationship, but the writers didn't do that and instead made Jess out to be a jerk. Seeing him back on GG would be a bit weird, but I think that there's still attraction between him and Rory no matter what. I think Jess is THE ONE for Rory. Of course, I'm completely biased. =) 

Anyway, if you read this entire AN, please review and let me know what you think about my story and about the cancellation of the spin-off...I'm really interested to know what all you guys think. Thanks! 


	6. Sealer, Salt and Pepper

Rory wasn't hungry anymore. That's all, really. Well...no. She needed to get out of the diner and away from her mother and her rants about Jess' return, away from the prying eyes. She was an adult now, she could handle her own problems her own way. Her mother needn't attack her ex-boyfriend for her, though he did deserve the verbal beating. 

She walked over to the bridge, now somewhat hoping Jess would be there. She didn't know why there was this sudden change of feeling; perhaps it was because her mother wasn't with her. Perhaps it was because he didn't seem so intimidating in her mind after she heard the hurt tone in his voice as he left the diner. 

He was there, sitting, his feet swaying over the edge of the wooden bridge. Taylor had collected enough money to restore the bridge and now it not only had lights lining the sides, but new wooden planks and a water resistant sealer on the surface.

She watched him sit there, smoking a cigarette and staring out into the water, occasionally bundling himself up more in his denim jacket that was too light for winter weather. She debated about whether or not to approach him; the reality of actually having a conversation with him seemed intimidating now. But he looked up just as she was about to walk away, and now that he saw her, she had no choice but to approach him. She wasn't about to let him believe she was running away. 

She sat down next to him as he continued to stare out to the water. He extinguished the cigarette on the wood, creating a burn spot on the near-perfect surface. 

"Taylor will kill you for that," Rory said.

Jess smiled inwardly that she was trying to actually have a conversation with him instead of giving him a Mini-Me version of the telling off he had received from her mother. 

He shrugged. "Nothing I didn't already know." 

"I thought you had quit," Rory commented, alluding to the cigarettes.

"I thought so too. But something about being yelled at by a mom makes me a bit edgy, you know?"

Rory sighed. "I'm not going to apologize for her."

"Didn't ask you to."

"I mean, she was mean about it, but you did do all of the things she said you did. And I guess she could have been nicer but..."

"Rory," Jess said, cutting her off. He looked directly at her, and she couldn't help but return the gaze. "It's okay," he added softly. 

She nodded, blushing slightly from the tone of voice he used. It was the same one he had used when they were here almost a year ago after the dance marathon and he had told her that Dean was right about them being attracted to each other. 

"So...why aren't you at the diner eating?" Jess asked, breaking Rory's internal reverie.

Rory shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

Jess snorted and a small grin spread across his face. Since when was Rory Gilmore not hungry? He savored the idea that she was out here to just spend time with him. 

"What?" she asked him, slightly flustered that he found this so amusing.

He shook his head. "Nothing." he replied, his serious expression reappearing."What?" she repeated, getting annoyed now.

He turned to face her. "Nothing," he replied. His eyes had a momentary spark of something Rory could not name. Memories, perhaps? 

Instantly she remembered the night he came over with all that food while Paris was there and the three of them had one of the best literary discussions Rory could have ever hoped for while eating mac and cheese and French fries. Good food, good conversation, and good company...very good company. 

She never had a conversation quite like that at Yale. This bothered her because wasn't part of college the passionate debates at coffee shops between members of the opposite sexes that mingled intellect with sexual tension? Though Rory didn't experience any of that at Yale, she had a lot of it before...with Jess. She sighed so quietly that it could have been interpreted as deep breathing. 

Jess' ears picked up on the sigh, however, knowing full well that she was thinking about their past; it was all he could think of these days.

She had missed him, no matter how much he had hurt her, she had still missed him. Did that make her a loser? 

She shrugged as her eyes met Jess' momentarily before both returned their stare to the water. They must have sat there in silence for an hour or so, neither one knowing what exactly to say though not wanting to leave the other's company. 

Suddenly, Rory's stomach grumbled loudly. "You really should get something to eat," Jess suggested quietly. 

Rory was hungry now, really hungry. "Okay. I'll see you around, Jess."

Jess nodded slightly and watched her leave. He had missed her. 

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Luke was filling up the pepper shakers when Jess came in much later that day, as in eleven o'clock at night.

"Do I hafta ask where you've been?" Luke asked, tired.

"I think you know the response you'll get," Jess replied, hanging up his jacket.

Luke smirked. "You're just lucky it wasn't busy today."

"Sorry 'bout that."

"It's alright. But she still comes in here everyday and if you can't take her dirty looks and snide comments...well, you just better start taking them cuz you're working here as long as you're staying," Luke replied.

"Gosh darn, I was so looking forward to returning to Wal-Mart," Jess replied sarcastically as he took the salt and helped his uncle by filling up the salt shakers. 

Luke chuckled. "I'll send you over there if you aren't careful."

"Fair enough."

"Does anything around here look any different?" Luke asked Jess a few minutes later. 

"Uh, your new wardrobe?" Jess guessed. Luke's wardrobe was exactly the same.

"No, check out the Specials menu," Luke said, pointing up.

Jess looked up and his eyes bulged. "You didn't."

"I did. Didn't I say I would?" Luke asked, enjoying watching his nephew's reaction. 

"Ah, jeez!" Jess sighed, fidgeting around. "Can't you take it down?" he pled.

"Nope, it stays up there. Forever. So whenever someone looks at the Specials, it'll be there, staring at them in the face," Luke teased.

Jess furrowed his eyebrows and frowned, but continued working nonetheless.

"So, it was quite a show I missed earlier, eh?" Luke asked.

"You could say that," Jess replied uneasily, still pouring salt into the shakers. Who knew people used so much salt? It was probably all Kirk.

"I should have told her you were back, I knew she would react that way."

"Don't worry about it. It's over. I'm still in one piece...for now," Jess replied. "Besides, it wasn't like she was off the mark."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I mean, she did say she loves you after all," Jess replied, watching Luke's reaction carefully. It was a little revenge for that stupid thing next to the Specials menu. 

Luke fumbled with the uncapped pepper shaker causing half of the contents to splatter all over the counter. "What?" he asked, regaining his composure.

"Well, Lorelai went on and on about how she could take me being a jerk to her but not to the people she loved. Rory and you were the only people she was talking about," Jess explained.

"Oh, well, we're friends, she said it to be nice," Luke replied, trying to devise some sort of rational explanation for all of it.

"Or it was a Freudian slip," Jess said casually. 

"Jess," Luke warned sternly.

"Hey, she said it," Jess countered quietly.

Luke was silent, though the red tinge on his ears didn't go away for the entire night. 

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Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews and for all the opinions regarding Milo Ventimiglia's canceled spin-off. In my heart of hearts, I really want Jess to return to GG (somewhat resembling how I'm writing it), but I just don't know if it's even possible. 

The reason why I made the Rory/Jess interaction so brief and rather light (yet deep in the sense that they stayed together for over an hour) was because I don't see them having a real meaningful conversation early on simply because they are just trying to get accustomed to each other again. So, I hope that combination of a connection without words was believable. 

Let me know what you think! Please review!


	7. Rory the Brave, Lorelai the Alien

"Honey, where did you go? One second you were behind me as I was talking to Luke and the next you had pulled an inverted white rabbit!" Lorelai said as Rory came into the house about two hours later. She had stopped by _Luke's_ to get some breakfast alone before returning home.

"Inverted white rabbit?" What was her mother talking about?

"You know, a white rabbit appears out of the hat, but you sorta disappeared..." Lorelai tried to explain.

"I disappeared into a hat?"

"What? No, never mind. It sounded better in my head. Where were you?" 

"I didn't feel like being in the diner where all those people were watching us after you screamed at Jess," Rory explained. She omitted the part about spending over an hour in silence with the guy.

"Well, you could have told me where you went or something. And I wasn't really screaming at Jess..." 

"Gesticulating very loudly?" Rory suggested instead.

"Ooo, five syllable word. I knew Yale was good for something," Lorelai joked.

Rory laughed. "Who knew?"

"Anyway, honey, we need to talk about this whole thing," Lorelai said seriously, sitting down on the couch.

"There's nothing to talk about," Rory lied. There was plenty to talk about, it was just that she had no desire to talk to Lorelai about it. She knew exactly where her mother stood when it came to Jess. Rory now had to decide where she stood with him.

"Rory, he's back. This is a big deal," Lorelai said.

Rory sat down next to her mom. "Yeah, but it's okay. Jess has free reign over where he goes so long as Luke is okay with it. I just have to deal with this myself, and I will," Rory stated rationally.

Lorelai scrutinized her daughter for a few moments before saying sadly, "You're not over him."

"Mom..."

"You're not, it's so obvious. The way you two were staring at each other at the diner, the way you talk now, like in pseudo-calmness, no, Rory, I know you, and I know you're not over him," Lorelai said. She wasn't angry, but she was becoming impassioned. In truth she was just scared about Rory getting hurt again. 

"Mom, I just have to figure this stuff out. When he left before, I just sort of pushed it to the back of my mind, kept myself busy, and never dealt with it. Now I have no choice but to deal with it. It'll be fine," Rory explained. 

It really would be fine if winter break would end already and she could go back to Yale and forget Jess. So typical, Rory Gilmore running away from her problems. She was sick and tired of running; she would face them, she would face him, proud and resolute. If she kept repeating that in her head, she might just start to believe it. 

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The diner was strangely busy for a Monday morning. So busy, in fact, that Jess rarely thought of Rory. The only times he did think about her was when someone ordered coffee, a Danish, or pancakes, which was only one in every two customers. So, he only thought of Rory half the time. He wryly thought that was an improvement from two days ago when she dominated his thoughts as he laid in bed. 

The door jingled and Jess held his breath as Lorelai and Rory walked in together.

"Are you sure you want to eat here?" Lorelai asked her daughter. "Cause we can go to Al's and have breakfast there, you know. Really, I don't mind. Coffee might not be like Luke's but..."

"Mom! I'm fine, are you fine?" Rory replied sternly but softly.

"Oh, I'm right as rain," Lorelai replied, feigning cheerfulness as they sat at the counter.

Luke was upstairs doing something or other and so Jess prepared himself for another telling-off as he approached the Gilmores.

"Can I get you guys something?" Jess asked, not looking at the women but instead at the pad and pen he was holding.

"We're ladies, if you haven't noticed," Lorelai replied curtly.

Jess was about to make a nasty remark, but held his tongue. Luke had warned him that Lorelai would do this. "Can I get you ladies something?" Jess asked, rephrasing the question to Lorlai's liking. 

"I'm not sure what I want yet," Lorelai replied, never looking at Jess. "Sweetie, what do you want?" she asked Rory.

"Mm, not sure. What are the Specials today?" Rory asked no one in particular as she looked up to the Specials menu. 

Lorelai's head followed Rory up to the menu. "Hey, what's that thing hanging next to the Specials?" she asked.

"Dunno..." Rory said.

"It's nothing," Jess replied quickly. 

Lorelai looked at Jess for the first time that morning suspiciously. Just then, Luke came down from the apartment and Jess walked over to him. 

"Good, you're just in time, they're here. I hafta refill some coffees," Jess said uncomfortably to Luke, handing him the pen and pad. Jess grabbed the coffee pot and began pouring.

"What's with him? And what's with that thing next to the Specials menu, Luke?" Lorelai asked as Luke greeted them.

Luke smirked. "Read it."

"_This General Educational Development certificate, the equivalent of a high school diploma, is awarded to Jess Mariano who has successfully passed the five battery tests in California this seventeenth of October, two-thousand and three_," Lorelai read.

"Wow," Rory said quietly, looking over at Jess who made brief eye-contact with her. She smiled proudly at him and he nodded.

"Looks real," Lorelai commented.

"It is real," Luke declared, getting a little annoyed with Lorelai's snide remarks.

"Well, I'm just saying, you could get these things online, you know. It's not really hard."

"It's real," Luke asserted. Jess may have been a lot of things, but he wasn't a fake. 

"I believe you, I believe it. I'm just surprised, didn't actually think he would do that," Lorelai said.

"I was surprised too," Luke admitted. "But I guess he just realized he needed to do something. I hung it right there so people will see it, and I love how it makes Jess squirm," Luke added with a smile.

Lorelai laughed. 

"Already four people have asked me about it, two of them being Babette and Miss Patty, so hopefully by the end of the day, the whole town will know. Maybe they'll lay off of Jess for a while if they know he's got a GED," Luke surmised.

"Yeah, it has been pretty quite regarding the hoodlum. Guess he's waiting out to strike it big, catch us off guard. We'll need constant vigilance. Maybe he'll rob _Doose's _this time instead of just chalking dead bodies," Lorelai commented.

"You're sounding like Taylor," Rory warned. 

Lorelai's bottom jaw dropped and her eyes became really big, rendering her speechless. "Oh...oh God, you're right. Look what he's doing to me!" Lorelai said excitedly.

"Luke, you better give her some coffee to calm her down," Rory suggested.

Luke looked at Rory quizzically. "Wait, coffee doesn't calm people down."

"Coffee, coffee, coffee! Now, now!" Lorelai said. She was not Taylor. She was the anti-Taylor. Talking like Taylor was just...wrong.

"Alright, alright, be quiet, you're scaring the other customers," Luke said, grabbing the other pot of coffee. 

He poured her a generous cup and Lorelai gratefully gulped it down. It's calmed her nerves and Luke gawked at her as though she were an alien, granted a very pretty alien, but an alien nonetheless. 

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Author's Note: YAY!! Reviews!! Wow, you guys are super awesome. Thank you for your constant support of my story. It's a challenge to write this, but it's very, very fun, and more fun knowing that people are enjoying it. I know some of you were confused regarding the whole "Specials" thing in the previous chapter, but that was intentional and hopefully now all is cleared up. In the first conversation Luke and Jess have, Luke jests that he would frame the GED, and he followed through on that. Next chapter will be Rory/Jess interaction, promise. Thanks again, let me know what you think. 


	8. Start of the Second and a Half Chance

Well, so far things were going pretty smoothly. Minus Lorelai's outburst, Jess wasn't confronted about his return from many others. Taylor had left him alone and Miss Patty kept her flirting down to a minimum. Who would have thought that possible? Things really must have changed in Stars Hollow; either that or people saw him and didn't take his return seriously. Like he had done twice in the past, they probably thought he had come only to leave again, making his arrival all too common and unworthy of much gossip. That was more likely, though Jess couldn't quite understand why he was so interested in the townspeople's reactions towards him anyway. 

He shook his head and changed his line of thought. So far he had tried to keep Luke happy, or at least tolerable towards Jess. Luke was, in fact, pleased with Jess, which made Jess strangely happy. He never really understood Luke's insistence on him graduating high school until he saw Luke beaming at him when he had given him that GED certificate. It was like Luke was looking at his son instead of his nephew, and Jess liked that, though he would never tell Luke that. 

Granted Jimmy was cool, but he wasn't really father material. He let Jess do and say as he pleased, never setting restrictions on him, and he acted more like an older, older brother than a father. Even when Jess was eighteen Luke still restricted certain things, like sneaking out of working duties to see Rory. But what Luke didn't know wouldn't hurt him. 

Jess smirked as memories of Rory poured into his head as they had done countless times for the past six months. After all the crap he had done, he was amazed that she was still even looking at him in the eye. And what was up with sitting on the bridge for an hour after a really superficial talk? Numerous times Jess wanted to uncharacteristically break the silence and tell her everything that had happened to him since he had last seen her, and he wanted to know all about her new college life. Well, minus any of the guys she had gone on dates with, he really didn't want to know about those. But he had kept quiet, figuring if she didn't want to talk, he wouldn't make her. A whole hour! Yet he was so grateful that she stayed beside him after they had stopped talking; the awkward silence was infinitely better than seeing her walk away. It was as though the silence was a form of reconciliation, in a weird way, like Rory was telling him she wasn't going to run from him. 

He had to make sure he wouldn't turn into a coward once again and run from her in shame. No, he too was through running. Running only brought pain upon her and himself. Sure Jess knew he would miss her and Luke, but he never imagined there would be a gnawing hole within him that slowly expanded throughout his stay in Venice as a constant reminder of his abrupt and rude departure of Stars Hollow and all that was important to him there. He never really understood how important this crazy town was to him until he was out of it. 

He needed his closure here before he could move on with the rest of his life, before he could truly get over Rory. Wait, did he really want to get over her? If not, what exactly did he want from her? The answer was simple. He wanted a second chance, well, technically it was a third chance since he had screwed up on two previous occasions. But he didn't deserve a third chance; he should have appreciated the second chance more. He should have appreciated her more. 

He was being a complete idiot. Rory didn't want to give him a third chance. She probably wanted closure as well and that was it. And the most Jess could possibly hope for from Rory was a second-and-a-half chance, a chance at a friendship. But if he was leaving soon, did he really want just a friendship? Jess frowned, this was all so confusing.

"That's a stupid book," a voice said, pulling Jess out of his thoughts and back into reality as the owner of the voice sat down. 

His bottom ached from sitting on the hard wood of the bridge for what felt like hours. Jess shifted around and looked at the unopened book in his hands, _Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man _by James Joyce.

"I like it, it's realistic," Jess replied.

Rory scoffed. "Please, Stephen is an arrogant jerk who knows he's smarter than his peers and looks down on them. I understand that he's striving to find his place in the world, but he gets all obsessive and preachy. And what's up with his view of women? They're either an angel or a hoar, there's no gray area for girls in his life. It's..."

"The typical male," Jess completed for her.

Rory frowned. "What?"

"Well, I mean, guys are arrogant and think that they're hot shit just like Stephen does. He does have a pretty messed up view of women, I give you that. But we all try to find where we belong. Okay, Stephen gets all obsessed, first with sex and then with religion, but he's just trying to find himself. He just takes a weird path," Jess explained.

"So you're telling me that all guys are like Stephen?" Rory asked.

Jess thought about how to answer. "I saying that guys are versions of Stephen. There's something that people can identify with him, or at least, I can identify with him."

"What do you identify with?" Rory asked quietly.

Jess shrugged, feigning casualness. "Just trying to figure out where my life's going, like Stephen does," Jess replied sincerely.

Rory understood. "I thought you were going to say that you identify with the arrogant, smart-ass, distorted view of women part of Stephen," she jested, smiling at him. 

Jess chuckled, "I resent that," he said, still smiling. "And since when did you start saying things like '_smart-ass'_? Is that the sorta thing they're teaching you at Yale?"

"No, I picked that up off the streets of Stars Hollow," Rory replied. 

"And here I thought Taylor made sure these streets were spotless."

"They are. I confess, my mom has a potty mouth that rubs off on me occasionally," Rory said.

"Ah, I see. That's more likely."

"What do you mean by that?" Rory asked, somewhat defensively.

Jess gulped. He shouldn't have said the last part. "Nothing, but your mom is pretty free with the unfriendly words when I'm nearby," he said as nicely as he could while remaining candid. 

It was true, so Rory didn't fight him on it. 

"So, what are you doing out here?" Jess asked. He hadn't meant it to sound harsh, but it did.

Rory tensed. "Oh, um, I'm sorry, I'll go," she said quietly, getting up.

"What? No, I didn't mean it like that. It's just, it's cold and you're out here and well, you know, it's cold," Jess rambled uncomfortably.

She smiled a bit and looked at him, her blue eyes mocking him slightly. "You're very observant," she teased as she wrapped her jacket around her small frame a little tighter. She noticed that Jess had changed from his light denim jacket to the bulky olive green one he had worn last winter. It was much smarter of him to wear that one. 

"Thank you. But you never answered my badly-phrased question," Jess said.

"What and I doing out here?"

"Uh huh."

Rory shrugged. "Boredom. Lane's having one of her marathon talks on the phone with Dave and my mom's probably on her seventh cup of coffee at Luke's. I finished all my Christmas shopping. So there's not much to do in the town than sit here and stare at the ice cold water and dangle my feet over the edge and talk to you about what a stupid character Stephen Dedalus is," Rory replied. 

"I see. Why is Lane talking to Dave on the phone? She could just meet up with him somewhere. It would probably be safer than talking on the phone with him. Her mom might get all pissed," Jess said.

"Oh, you left before he did. He's in California now. Moved away in October. He really didn't want to go and Lane was devastated, but they've been keeping in touch through phone and e-mail and so it's working out really well for them. I really didn't think the long distance thing was gonna work, but they seem really devoted to it," Rory said.

"Wow."

"Yeah, I was surprised his family moved to California, seems like a lot of people go there unexpectedly," Rory said, letting the last part escape her lips before she realized what she had said. She had hinted that she was still hurt and that implied weakness, weakness she was unwilling to show Jess.

Jess gulped. "Rory..."

"Don't. Just don't, Jess," Rory said, almost pleadingly. She hated herself for showing such vulnerability to him. This wasn't the warrior-like persona she had promised herself she would display in front of him. Instead, it was the hurt-girl-who-had-(sadly)-pined-after-the-boy-when-she-said-she-wouldn't persona. Things never seemed to go as planned when Jess was around, she thought gloomily. But at the same time, she was still deep down happy that he was back. What was wrong with her? She was a jumble of indeterminable emotions. 

"Okay," he said quietly. It was too soon to get into that talk. The inevitable talk. 

"So, you...you never saw Dave in California?" she asked lamely. She castigated herself for asking such a ridiculously stupid question and held her breath for the cocky reply she would undoubtedly get from Jess. 

Jess looked at her strangely, but simply replied, "No."

Rory nodded her head, now somewhat disappointed that Jess didn't make a more 'Jess' response to her question. She had missed his retorts, banter, and comebacks more than she thought she would. Conversations sort of felt empty without them.

"Then again, California's slightly bigger than here. Sorta like Stars Hollow times four thousand," Jess said, his eyes sparkling with amusement. 

Rory's eyes locked with his as she smiled. It was times like this that she was happy he was back. She wanted to bottle this moment like she would a firefly to keep his coffee colored eyes on hers forever. If only that were possible. If only he would promise her he would really stay this time. 

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Author's Note: So sorry this took so long to write. I started writing this chapter with some Lane interaction in it and realized that I didn't like that, so I had to rewrite it all. And then I wanted it to make it as good as I could, so I spent a lot time thinking about what Jess and Rory would be thinking, etc. Needless to say, it took longer than I thought it would. 

SPECIAL thanks to **Stew Pid **for mentioning my story as one of the eight she thought were cool in her A/N of _Season Four as NOT Seen on TV_. It is an honor. 

Anyway, please review, that would be great! I always love to know what people are thinking and I'm so glad that you guys think my story's cool. 


	9. So Lane, what do you think?

"So, he's back...again," Lane said, processing the information Rory had given her, as she and Rory walked around town later that day.

"Yup."

"And you're okay with this?" Lane asked.

Rory hesitated. "I guess, how else can I be about it?"

"Pissed!" Lane cried out in exasperation.

Rory looked at her friend, surprised by her sudden outburst. 

Lane noticed this and continued. "I mean, he comes here in the first place, all surly and whatever and then befriends you and then hurts you physically and leaves. Then he comes back and you guys eventually get together and then he ditches, again, hurting you emotionally. All the while I'm seeing everything, but don't say much because I'm the best friend and the last thing I wanna do is turn into a Mama Kim, but Rory, I'm really worried. Every time he's here, he hurts you. I just wonder how's he going to hurt you this time around," Lane explained.

Rory didn't answer right away. She thought about Lane's word, understanding her friend's concern, but all she could do in her head was make excuses for Jess. Well, at least for the first time he left. Smashing the car wasn't all his fault, she asked him to drive. But there were no excuses for the second time. 

"I know you worry about me. I worry about me. But I mean, what can I really do about it? Ask him to leave? I doubt he would and even if he did...I don't think that's what I want," Rory admitted quietly.

Lane's eye's bulged behind her glasses. "What?? Rory, what are you saying?" she asked, impassioned.

"Look, I know he's hurt me, I know he's been a jerk and a coward and a...well...an asshole. I know all this. But I still like it when he's here. I hate the fact that I like that he's here because he's all those terrible things, but...I just...I missed him, Lane," Rory rambled. It felt good to hear those words escape from her own lips; it solidified the thoughts that had been playing in her mind since Jess came back.

Lane gulped. "Do you still want to be with him?"

"I don't know. I mean, part of me really wants to physically hurt him while the other part wants to kiss him. It's like I'm being stretched in all these different directions until I become like one of those hair ties that just snap when stretched too far. I just get so confused when I think about him," Rory replied. 

Lane looked at her best friend in somewhat disbelief, yet she knew Rory was being completely honest. She just couldn't understand how Rory could still stand to be within ten feet Jess when he had hurt her so much. True Rory acted just fine when Jess had left the second time, but Lane knew she hurt inside. When they talked about college, Lane would ask if Rory knew any guys of interest only to be met by a shrug and a 'no.' That's when she knew Rory wasn't over Jess; there just had to be at least one interesting guy at Yale out of the thousands, it was a mathematical certainty. 

But Rory was blinded by this weird image of Jess she had created in her mind. Lane imagined Jess in a white robe with a sparkling golden halo and a pair of wings sprouting out of his back because that certainly must have been how Rory saw him. But really, Jess wasn't that amazing. Granted he was smart, witty, mildly attractive, and had that bad-boy complex that was well...okay, so it was sexy, but those things didn't erase or cover-up the guy's bad points - and there were many. He was arrogant, crude, harsh in the overly mean way if he didn't like you, unreliable and...insecure. Lane furrowed her eyebrows at this realization. 

"Lane?" Rory asked. She worried that her friend would be adamant about her ignoring Jess' existence like her mother had been, but Lane had been silent for minutes since Rory poured out her feelings. 

"Huh?" Lane asked, distracted still by her realization.

"Aren't you going to say something? I mean, I thought you would be really upset right now," Rory said as they sat down on a park bench in the center of the town. It was chilly, but it hadn't snowed yet. Rory couldn't wait for snow to fall. 

Lane opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Rory waited, but Lane closed her mouth without saying anything. Once she realized that Jess was insecure, just as insecure or more so than the rest of them, she saw him in a different light. It was like this whole dimension of Jess was revealed. She understood his actions, reactions, retorts, everything much better. 

Jess had this whole I'm-pissed-off-at-the-world facade because he was insecure. Having already been insecure about his relationship with Rory because he often wondered how he had managed to become her boyfriend, disappointing her by not graduating made him completely...embarrassed. And, well, perhaps ashamed? Yes, shame had to have played a role in it as well. Luke had always been there for him in the Luke-esque way and Jess had not come through on the one thing he had promised to accomplish for his uncle either. So Jess, being the emotionally walled-up guy that he was, ran away because it was the only thing he knew he could do. The insecurity had led to cowardice. Lane wondered if she should major in psychology. 

"Lane? You're seriously worrying me here," Rory said. Why wouldn't her friend say anything?

"I'm sorry, it's just...well, what can I say?"

"You're not gonna be more critical of Jess or something?" Rory asked incredulously.

Though she saw Jess differently now, Lane didn't trust him with Rory's heart again. That classic _'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me' _mantra kept playing in Lane's head, telling her that something bad could happen to Rory. But, in the end, she couldn't control Rory's decisions. If Rory wanted to give her heart to Jess again, though it probably was always with him, it was her decision. The only thing Lane could really do was jump for glee if things worked out between them or have the tissue box handy if not. No more, no less.

"After Mama Kim had let Dave take me to prom, we had this talk. Not about sex or sinning or anything like that, but about love. She told me that though I could choose who I would love, I couldn't control who loved me. Nothing I said, did, felt, or thought would ever make someone love me. I didn't get it then, I still don't think I really get it, but I think it means to take the chance and have faith. You can only have faith that the other person feels like how you do, because you can't control their feelings towards you. So, I guess, after this incessant ramble, I'm just trying to say that it's up to you. You tried it with Jess once and if you want to try again, then it's your decision. But you can't change him, you choose to take all of him. You just have to have faith that he'll see what an amazing chance you're giving him and not screw it up. And if it works out, then, 'yay!' and if not, well, I'll shove my drum stick into a very private part of his anatomy," Lane said.

Rory looked at her friend in shock. Lane just gave her probably the most beautiful speech in all of history, and she had read a lot of speeches. Okay, maybe it wasn't _Gettysburg Address _quality, but Rory was still touched beyond words. She flung her arms around her friend and squeezed tightly. 

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Author's Note: I know this is shorter than some other chapters, but I wanted some Lane/Rory interaction because they are best friends and I always thought Lane was super cool. I wanted to counter that sort of protectiveness of Lorelai's with Lane telling Rory to decide for herself, making Rory more like the adult than the child Lorelai treats her as. Anyway, hopefully this sheds so light onto the type of Jess I'm creating here. Thanks for everyone who reviewed, that means a lot. Please let me know what you think. 


	10. The Overanalyzing Minds of Acquaintances

Jess hated it when he overanalyzed things...it made him feel like a stereotypical girl. But when it came to Rory, he couldn't help but think the subject to death and beyond. He had just finished scrubbing the counter until it was spotless in preparation for the dinnertime rush into _Luke's. _Perhaps Rory would be one of the customers in the dinnertime rush. She would probably want a burger and fries and coffee and maybe some pie for dessert. And then he thought about Christmas and whether or not he should give her the gift he had in his duffel bag. Was it appropriate to give her something when they had only seen each other for a few days? The last thing he wanted to do was offend her. He cringed at himself. There he went thinking about her, analyzing her...again. He should read, reading was a distracting thing to do. 

"Jess," Kirk said, sitting down on a stool in front of him and placing a cardboard box on the stool beside him.

"Can I get you something, Kirk?" Jess' eyes darted up briefly from the book meet Kirk's.

"No, I wanted to give you something actually," Kirk said, looking into the box he had set on the stool beside him.

"You want to give me something?" Jess asked him incredulously.

"Well, you see, it is Christmas Eve and in the spirit of giving...oh, well, I don't think you would like it per say, but..."

"Kirk, what the hell is it?" Jess asked, getting a bit impatient.

"Hand cream, body wash, and glycerin soap. My own line," Kirk replied quickly.

"Wait, didn't that stuff cause rashes?" Jess asked.

"Well, it did, but, I changed the formula. It should be fine now, I tested it on myself and I tried to test it on Cat Kirk, but I had taken him to see Legally Blond 2 and that whole animal testing theme in the movie made him all edgy when I tried to wash him with the body wash so..."

"Kirk! Your point?"

"Right, I'm giving you two sets for you to take back to California and give to whoever you want. I enclosed my business card so that if they like the products, I can ship more over there. Hopefully, there will be a whole market on the West Coast that will open up to me. So here," Kirk rambled on quickly as he gave Jess two gift bags filled with the products.

"How do you know I'm going back to California?" Jess asked.

Kirk looked at Jess curiously. "You aren't going back?"

"Staying is always an option," Jess said.

Kirk scoffed. "You didn't stay before," he replied emphatically.

"How observant," Jess retorted, now angry at Kirk.

Kirk realized that he was wearing Jess' patience thin. "Well, keep the gift sets anyway," he said as he got up and left the diner hurriedly. 

Jess didn't know why Kirk's comment about him not staying before angered him so much, but it did. Kirk was just stating the obvious. Yet is was that apparent fact that Jess wanted to forget so much. 

He was in a sour mood the entire evening, thinking about Kirk's comment and how all the town people must feel about him, how Rory must feel about him. It was like they were friends again, but were they really? He didn't see how a couple of conversations about literature made them buddies, perhaps simply acquaintances. Yes, they were reacquainting themselves. He scowled as he refilled a cup of coffee, _reacquainting_ sounded so sterile. But he brought it upon himself.

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"Rory, Mommy has to do some last minute Christmas shopping!" Lorelai called out as she ran down the stairs.

"It's Christmas Eve, Mom!" Rory shouted back from the kitchen where she was reading the newspaper and eating a Pop Tart. 

"Exactly, that's why it's called last minute shopping. Well, it should actually be called last day shopping because last minute would be 11:59 pm tonight, but you get the picture," Lorelai said, putting her scarf and winter coat on. 

"Yeah, but remember, the stores probably close early tonight!" Rory called out again from the kitchen.

"Which is why I am gone!" Lorelai said. "Bye, Honey. Love you!"

"Bye!"

After Lorelai left, Rory resumed her reading of the paper, but soon opted instead to wrap the remaining Christmas presents for her friends and family before her mom got back and badgered her about what she got her for the holiday. She wrapped the presents carefully and neatly and when she was done with them, she looked at her bookshelf. 

More specifically, she stared at one book. Should she wrap it? She never meant to give it to him, but he was here now and the book was there and she could easily wrap it and give it to him later today, or tomorrow...or never. Was it too personal? Did it recall too much of the past they happily shared that was abandoned all too quickly? Rory got up from the floor and took the book out of its place, stroking the binding and cover carefully. And then she sighed and set in down on her table. She paced around her bedroom much like Paris did when she was in a deranged mood. 

No, she wouldn't give it to him. He left and never called or told her he was alright or anything decent like that and then he shows up and she's going to give him a Christmas present? After seeing him for four days? No, no, this would open the door to their past and the hurt and disappointment and...everything.

But by avoiding all that, Rory knew she was only making matters more difficult. She wasn't physically running from him anymore, but emotionally, she was sprinting away. When he tried to talk to her about his departure to California, she had cut him off, unable to deal with it. But if she was even considering giving him another chance as her friend (or something more) like she alluded to Lane that she was, she needed to confront him about the past eventually. And besides, the book was a good gift. He would like it, she was positive, well, almost positive. Regardless, she had to take the next step. 

She grabbed the book from her table and began wrapping.

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Author's Note: Thank you again for all the wonderful support! Your reviews are amazingly generous. I know there's no Rory/Jess interaction here, but I mean, they hafta exchange gifts in the next chapter and then the deeper conversations will start and who knows what else? I figured I've reacquainted them enough, time to turn the acquaintance into more. Hope you liked it, please review!


	11. The White Christmas

"Honey, are you okay?" Lorelai asked her pale daughter. 

"Huh? Oh, I'm hungry. And it hasn't snowed yet, which is odd. We don't have a white Christmas this year," Rory replied. In truth she was beginning to back down on the thought of giving Jess his gift. Technically, it wasn't even bought for him, just with him in mind...a lot in mind. She looked around uneasily.

"Aw, well, Christmas isn't over till the fat Santa sings," Lorelai said.

"Our Santa is Kirk, Mom," Rory said. 

"Yeah, so, Christmas won't be over until Kirk gains fifty pounds," her mother replied logically.

"That's a lot of peanut butter and banana sandwiches," Rory commented.

"Luke better stock up on supplies."

"What should I do?" Luke asked coming over to take their order.

"Stock up on peanut butter and bananas for Kirk so he can gain weight and make it snow," Lorelai explained.

Luke looked at her curiously. "Uh huh. Okay. Anyway, what do you guys want?"

"Can we have waffles with something green and red on top for Christmas spirit?" Lorelai asked.

"I can put brocoli and red peppers on top of your waffles," Luke suggested. 

"Luke, that's blasphemous!" Rory said.

"Hey, she asked," Luke said.

"Let me rephrase. Can we have something green and red and sweet and unhealthy on top of the waffles for Christmas spirit?" Lorelai asked.

Luke sighed. "I'll put some strawberries with that red, sugary, gooey, artery-clogging syrup and green sprinkles on top," he grumbled.

Lorelai smiled. "Thank you. I'm so glad we got you a great present."

Luke's eyes light up momentarily and then nodded as he went to personally cook their order.

Rory sighed. "I'm so hungry from going around the houses giving the presents _before _breakfast," she whined lightly.

"It's tradition!" Lorelai replied.

"And every year I say that we hafta distribute the presents _after _breakfast so we're not so exhausted in the end that we start rambling about fat Kirks and banana sandwiches," Rory said.

"But it works up an appetite," Lorelai responded.

"We always have an appetite," Rory countered.

Lorelai opened her mouth but couldn't argue. "We'll do that next year."

"Sure...that what we always say..." 

Lorelai and Rory ate hungrily once their food came, stuffing their mouths and gulping down coffee as though they were in a race. As Rory's face was down looking at her food, the coffee pot appeared in her line of sight to refill her cup.

"Thanks, Luke," she mumbled, her mouth filled with waffle.

"Not Luke, but you're welcome," a voice replied.

Rory stopped chewing and swallowed the large lump of food. 

"Easy there, would be terrible to choke and die on Christmas," the voice said with a hint of amusement.

Rory nervously gulped again, but there was no food in her mouth this time. Her eyes met his, a small smirk playing on his lips as he stood there, coffee pot in one hand, the other resting casually on the opposite side of the counter. _How can he look so casual? _she thought enviously.

Jess' insides seemed to be in the middle of a thunderstorm as he looked at Rory, but his well trained exterior hid it. He wasn't about to be nervous and stutter in front of Lorelai. He still had his pride. 

"Merry Christmas," Rory pleasantly said to Jess once her nerves were settled and food completely cleared from her mouth.

"Merry Christmas, ladies," he replied, slightly stressing the last word and looking at Lorelai with a pseudo-innocent glance, seeing if she remembered her retort the last time he was in front of her. She did and instead of glaring like she would have done, she ignored him and continued eating. 

Jess noticed this, but did not let it phase him. "So, get anything good this year?" he asked, trying to make polite conversation with Rory in her mother's presence.

"Uh, clothes, books, Lane got me some CD's, stuff like that. Um...you?"

Jess shrugged. "Jimmy sent some money."

"Luke didn't give you anything?" Rory asked quietly.

"Well, he's letting me stay with him. I didn't expect anything else. I mean, well...you know...before, when, uh, I left..." Jess let his voice die out. It wasn't a really good idea to get into that on Christmas.

Rory shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, so, uh, did...did you get him anything?" 

"Yeah, actually. I got him a new toaster. It's got a crumb rack on the bottom and can fit bagels too, real fine piece of machinery," Jess replied, giving Rory a knowing glance. 

She smiled, recalling the time when he fixed Luke's old toaster but would not admit it. "That was nice," she said.

He shrugged again. "So, you all done giving out your presents?" he asked.

She hesitated. Minus his present, she was. "Um, yeah, yeah, all done," she replied, feigning cheerfulness. 

Jess nodded his head slowly. "Good, good." Perhaps it was a bad idea to give her something if she had nothing for him. It would be awkward. He would ponder that later. 

"Hey, Jess, enough socializing. Work," Luke said sternly.

"You know, Uncle Luke, you don't seem really into the whole Christmas cheer. We should go caroling later with Taylor, work on you being jollier," Jess sarcastically remarked.

"Work."

"Alright, alright. But isn't Christmas a national holiday or something? I mean, Wal-Mart even gave employees the day off and we all know how labor-friendly Wal-Mart is," Jess commented, leaving Rory to fill up more coffee cups.

"Yeah, well, I'm subjecting you to slave labor so deal with it," Luke replied grouchily. 

Jess smirked at Luke and glanced briefly to Rory. She held his gaze momentarily before resuming her breakfast, all while Lorelai remained quiet. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

It was the first time since the beginning of the school year at Yale that Rory walked with such purpose. She would do this and become stronger because of it. She walked right up to the front door and peered through the slits of the blinds that covered the window. No…no, she couldn't do this. But she had to. She had to. She knocked quietly on the door, halfway hoping he wouldn't hear and she could go back home. 

Jess heard the light, almost hesitant, knock on the door and looked up. If it were Kirk giving him more free samples, Jess would punch him. Forget the "let's try to be good to the citizens of Stars Hollow" crap he was constantly chanting in his mind to remain sane, he would punch the guy. He stalked over to the door, unlocked it, and swung it open with an annoyed expression on his face.

It softened when he saw it was Rory. 

"Hey," he said, moving back to allow her entrance into the closed diner. 

"Hi," she replied quietly. 

"So, uh, good Christmas dinner with the grandparents?" he asked casually, resuming his final wipe of the counter until the next morning. He wondered what she was doing there, but did not want to scare her off by questioning her. 

"How…how did you know about that?"

"This is Stars Hollow after all," Jess said with a small smile.

"Yeah, right. It was good, no bloodshed. But, um, I lied," Rory said, getting to the point of her late-night visit before she wimped out.

Jess furrowed his eyes. "There was bloodshed?"

"Huh? Oh, um, no, no, no bloodshed. I meant that I lied this morning about finishing giving out my gifts because I didn't give you yours. I wasn't sure if I should because, well, you just got back and I didn't want it to be weird, but I want to give you this. And I hope you like it, but, um, yeah, here," Rory rambled pulling out a neatly wrapped gift from her jacket pocket and handing it to Jess. 

He was silent for a long time, just staring at the gift in his hands. 

"Well, um, that was it, I'll see you later then," Rory said uncomfortably.

"No, wait. Your…your gift is upstairs. Can you hold on for a sec?" Jess said, snapping out of his thoughts.

"Yeah."

Jess ran up the stairs and grabbed the package. 

"Here," he said, handing over the gift that was wrapped in newspaper comics. "Merry Christmas, Rory."

She couldn't help but smile. "Merry Christmas, Jess."

There was silence for a while as the two looked at their presents. 

"Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you not open it until I leave?" she asked softly.

"Sure. Um, same with mine."

"Okay."

It grew rather uncomfortable as the two wanted to open the presents but couldn't in front of the other. 

"Well, I should go," Rory said eventually.

"Okay."

"I'll see you later, Jess."

"Yeah, later."

Rory closed the door behind her and ran back to her house, feeling elated, just as the first snow of the season fell onto her eyelashes. 

Jess stared at Rory's gift and tore it open. In his hands laid a very new looking copy of Ernest Hemmingway's _Farewell to Arms_. He smiled slightly and thumbed through the pages, when something unfamiliar caught his eye. There, in the margins, were Rory's thoughts as she read the book in small, neat writing. Some of the comments for passages such as, "egotistical jerk," made Jess laugh while others gave a completely new angle to the book that Jess never thought of. While turning the pages, he couldn't help but grin madly as he recalled their first talk on the bridge as they ate from Rory's disgusting basket of food that he had bought to piss Dean off. He couldn't stop grinning as he clutched the book in his hands. She had given Hemmingway another chance…perhaps he would receive the same.

Rory sat on her bed and contemplated whether or not she should open it. Who know what would happen after she saw the gift? Oh, forget it. The suspense was killing her. She ripped the paper anxiously and her eyes lit up when she saw it. 

In her hands laid a battered copy of Ayn Rand's _Fountainhead. _She stroked the worn spine gently, almost lovingly, and then opened the book to see Jess' familiar scrawl littering the margins. She couldn't help but smile as she remembered him whining on the phone about how painful it was to read the book. But he did manage to get through it after all this time.

It was almost eerie how similar their gifts to each other had been, suggesting the mutual need to recall the happier times in their past and how everything from then fell apart. Rory inhaled deeply, feeling a new surge of encouragement course through her veins as she held a piece of Jess in her hands and he held a piece of her in his across town. 

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Author's Note: I hope that was satisfying. You know that feeling where you have this great idea and no matter how many times you write it out, it doesn't quite match the idea you had? This chapter was a lot like that. But, this was the closest I got to what I envisioned. I hope you liked it. Thank you all for the support, if someone were to tell me that I would get over 150 reviews for one of my stories I would have probably laughed in their face. So thank you, each one means so much to me and gives me the encouragement I need to continue. Thanks! Next up will be the beginnings of addressing the past. YAY!


	12. Let's Start Off Light, Yeah, That's The ...

"So, still not a fan of Hemmingway?" Jess asked, startling Rory as he sat down next to her on the bridge. It was a bit wet from the melted snow of the previous night. 

Rory smiled, not missing a beat with her response, "Nope. And I see that _Fountainhead _still drove you as crazy as it did before."

"Yeah, but at least I got through it and that ridiculously long monologue," Jess replied.

"Third try's the charm, right?" 

"I suppose so."

Silence. Jess didn't know how to proceed from the initial familiar book discussion to more…personal things. Like Rory once told him, segue wasn't his thing. He swung his legs idly over the side of the bridge and remained silent as Rory fidgeted. 

The awkward silence was broken by Rory saying, "Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"What now?" 

Jess marveled briefly about how a two-word question could send him into a stupor. "I…I'm not sure. Ask me a question, I guess, and I'll answer it. We'll take it from there."

"Okay, um, did you like California?" she asked. Start off light, yeah, that was a good way to start.

Jess shrugged. "It was alright. It's was so damn hot there though, and I was never one for shorts, but I sure as hell started wearing shorts once I got there."

Rory snorted lightly. "I can't imagine you in shorts," she replied.

"Yeah, well, comfort took precedent over my coolness in that respect," Jess joked.

She smiled. 

More silence. Jess decided to make the effort to keep the silences down to a minimum. He continued talking about California. 

"The people were cool. Real laid back, which was nice after having Taylor on my back when I was here."

"Did you make any friends?" she asked.

"Sorta. Like there were these kids who hung out around the pier and skated and I chilled with them sometimes."

"You _chilled? _Someone picked up the local slang," she teased lightly. 

Jess blushed slightly with embarrassment. He was never one to follow the crowd. "Sorta unavoidable when you're drowning in all of it. But I'm really proud of myself for never saying _dude_. You will not believe how many times I heard the word _dude_ throughout the day. 'Dude, can you tell me where I can find the dude who sells the hemp hats?' 'Like, dude, that dude was so hot!'" Jess impersonated. 

Rory laughed wholeheartedly. 

"I'm serious, I'm so sick of the word _dude_."

"There was a guy who sold hemp hats?" Rory asked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, Jimmy apparently bought one and liked it a lot, I avoided the guy as much as I could."

"Why?"

Jess remembered that first rant he made to Jimmy the first day he was in Venice. He had been lost, confused, upset, and most importantly, scared shitless. Yeah, Jess was at least man enough to admit (to himself at least) that he was actually scared about the future. He didn't want to be the hemp-hat-seller in a few years. There was more to life than that, he knew it. He shrugged again at Rory's innocent question that seemed to unravel more of his insecurities than he was willing to talk about just then. 

"The guy gave me the creeps." It was true, though the reason was not because of the merchandise like he figured Rory thought.

"Oh. So…did you work when you stayed there?" Rory asked. She was trying to keep the questions simple yet direct. She craved to know what happened to him when he was gone. Wait…craved? She blushed with embarrassment momentarily at the thought of her craving to know the events of the past six months, but it was true.

"I worked at a bookstore," Jess replied, not noticing her blush out of nowhere.

"How perfect."

"Yeah."

Even more silence. Jess was getting really sick of these spurts of conversation that ended in awkward silences. He shifted on the cold wooden bridge and asked, "So, how was your first semester at Yale?"

"Oh, um, it was…okay," Rory replied.

"But?"

"But, I guess I expected a bit more," Rory said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the intro classes I took were so big and I barely had any interaction with professors. Classes were really hard. I was put into a triple with Paris…"

"No way," Jess cut her off, looking at her incredulously.

"I'm serious. And my other roommate is a sixteen-year-old genius," she added.

"Wow," he replied quietly.

"Yeah, and I mean, the people were nice enough. Minus those girls my grandma wanted me to socialize with who would become the next generation in Hartford high-society. But I guess…things were just lacking."

"What was lacking?" he asked.

_You_, she thought miserably. No, she wouldn't delve into that area right now. She reminded herself to stay light with the topics. 

"I don't know," she lied. "It was just overwhelming and I didn't seem to have anyone to talk to about anything. Sure there were the other students there, but they were all into their own thing. And my mom would always listen, but she never went to college and she's been so busy with trying to get the Dragonfly opened. And I was lucky to catch Lane between prayer sessions or Bible study or phone calls to Dave. And Paris would only say 'Accept it, Rory' because that's become her new mantra. And you…" She couldn't complete the sentence because she was so frustrated retelling her first semester at college.

"Weren't here," he finished her sentence quietly.

She nodded her head slightly and it was silent again. Jess felt horrible that he wasn't there for her when she needed to open up to someone. He honestly thought that she would be fine in college, she was, after all, Rory Gilmore. But perhaps the pressures of being Rory Gilmore were overwhelming her. She was human. 

"I…I'm sorry your semester wasn't too great. You above anyone else deserve a great college experience," Jess said.

"It'll get better, it was just really hard to adjust," Rory replied softly.

Jess nodded and gave her a small encouraging smile. 

This time the silence was a little less awkward, a little more reflective. 

"Rory?"

"Hmm?"

"For what it's worth, I'm here now. And I…I'm not running again," Jess said uncomfortably, averting his eyes from hers. 

Rory looked at him surprised and then smiled warmly. "Thanks, Jess."

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Author's Note: Gah, sorry it took so long to write this chapter, but it took me a while to figure out how I wanted to proceed. Consider this 'phase two' in reconciling the past between Jess and Rory and it was hard to write this chapter without things going super deep into the anger Rory feels and stuff like that. Anyway, let me know what you think. The stuff about Yale I read off of Gilmoregirls.org, a wonderful fan site, and intergrated it into my story. Till next time!


	13. The Uncomfortable Between

"So how's the Jess situation going?" Lane asked Rory later that day on that Gilmore couch. 

"The Jess situation? Makes it sound like a government cover-up or something," Rory said, smiling.

"Hm, I venture to guess that the smile on your face means that it's going well?" Lane reasoned.

Rory stopped smiling. "Jess is…fine." 

"Um…details?" Lane asked.

"He gave me a Christmas present that was scarily similar to the present I gave him," Rory began.

Lane furrowed her eyebrows because Rory never mentioned giving Jess a present, but she didn't question why. It was Rory's decision. "So, what did you guys give each other?"

Rory exhaled the breath she had been holding when she mentioned the presents. She glad Lane didn't become crazed over it. "Books we didn't really like with notes in it."

Lane thought it over, "Personal."

"Yeah. It was sorta weird talking to him today, I wasn't sure what to say. I tried to keep the conversation superficial, but it was awkward. Maybe I shouldn't have given him the gift, maybe it was too soon for that," Rory said.

"Well, it's a little late for that."

"I want to be the Time Traveler in H.G. Wells' story," Rory whined lightly.

"What? Didn't that guy go into the future where there was cannibalism?" Lane was not following the reference. 

"Yeah, but I want that basic idea. I want to go into the future to see how this whole thing will play out between me and Jess. Is there even a future? Or, better yet! I want to go into the past and figure out where it all went so wrong and why the hell he left for California…" Rory said, her voice growing ever so slightly angry.

"You know, Rory, there's a much easier way than building a Time Machine," Lane said logically.

"Which is?"

"Talk to him."

"I do talk to him."

"No, I mean, _really_ talk to him. About the stuff that's bugging you," Lane said. 

"No."

"Rory…"

"No, Lane. It's too early for that," Rory said assertively.

"Well, when will it be time?"

"I dunno. Later…never."

"Rory, you hafta talk to him. You realize that on the thirteenth of January you're going back to Yale and this will hafta be resolved by then. You can't go back to school and be depressed or worry about Jess," Lane insisted.

"So then I'll talk to him about it on the twelfth," Rory replied stubbornly, getting off the couch to pace the living room.

"Rory…"

"What am I supposed to say? 'Hey Jess, when you left, the pain felt like what I imagine being stabbed to near death feels like. And I didn't get over you like I promised I would. And I didn't have that sort of connection with anyone at Yale like I had with you. And I didn't even want to have that connection with anyone else because I wasn't over you and part of me didn't want to get over you. And now that you're here, it feels like…like….I can't even describe how it feels. But it confuses me, in a good way. And I wish that I could just hate you and move on but it's not that simple.' Lane, don't you hear how melodramatic that sounds? How completely pathetic?" Rory ranted passionately.

"I thought it sounded great," Lane replied.

Rory collapsed back onto the couch. "You're not helping," she grumbled.

Lane smiled sympathetically. "No, I'm just not agreeing. Honestly Rory, from what you tell me, it sounds like he's matured a lot. I'm really surprised, but I think you really should try talking to him about the harder stuff."

"Lane, what if I tell him all that and he runs away again?" Rory asked softly, rather scared of that notion.

"Then he was never really here to stay in the first place," Lane replied. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No way," Jess said adamantly.

Rory laughed. "I'm serious. This guy in my dorm wore his bike helmet everywhere. To classes, to the bathroom, everywhere. And he didn't even have a bike."

Jess shook his head. "What a weird guy…"

They had talked for the past five days at the bridge in the late afternoon and the awkwardness of their first conversation after Christmas gradually faded. Both were thankful that it seemed much like how it had been before Jess left, minus the hurt that was hidden below the surface of their conversations. What Lane said to Rory still plagued her mind, but she had shoved that conversation into a mental cupboard to be dealt with later. 

"The bookstore I worked at had a bunch of weird regulars. But you get used to them. What I couldn't stand though were some of those college kids from around the area. They would spew this stuff they thought was literarily profound. Especially the guys. They would go on and on with material they probably got out of some textbook to impress the girls in bikinis with them. Those pseudo-intellectuals really got to me. I mean, if you talk about a book, talk about how _you _feel about the book, not about how some shmuck in a literary journal or whoever else feels about it," Jess ranted.

Rory laughed. "Did you become like Good Will Hunting at the bar and impress the Mini Driver-ish girls that were with those guys?"

"Sometimes I did."

She frowned momentarily at the thought of Jess with some girl. She realized she didn't even know if he had a girlfriend! What if he found someone in Venice who was amazingly wonderful? She panicked. She realized that Jess could be taken. 

Then she felt completely ashamed that she didn't think about this sooner. She always focused on herself: how Jess' departure made _her_ feel, how Jess' return made _her_ feel. Selfishly, she never thought about what Jess must have been feeling leaving someplace relatively familiar for California to live with his father he didn't even know. Was he scared? Why did he do it after all…she would ask him that, eventually. 

"Were…um…were there many Mini Drivers?" Rory asked uncomfortably. 

Jess looked up into her eyes. They were filled with uncertainty and a touch of sadness. Inside he was jumping up and down at her interest in his personal life. She still cared about him."No. I just made the guys look stupid and the girls thought it was cool. But there were no Mini Drivers," Jess assured her. 

Rory smiled slightly. "How come?"

Jess shrugged. Should he tell her? Should he take the risk? Well, why not. He hadn't traveled the span of the country on a cramped bus to chicken out now, just when Rory was reaching out to him. 

"I had already found her here," he said quietly.

Rory's eyes lit up at his words. 

"Did you find anyone at Yale?" he asked her in the same quiet tone.

"You mean besides the helmet guy?" she joked.

Jess laughed. "Yeah, besides him."

"No. My Will Hunting was here too."

Rory looked away, cursing herself for saying something so sappy, but how true it was! Jess didn't seem to be faring much better with this new information. He fidgeted on the bridge and glanced at her, unable to find anymore words. 

"Jess, I have so many questions..." Rory said softly, her voice trailing off more with each word. 

"I know. But, I don't think I have all the answers yet. Can we talk about them another time?" he replied. 

Rory frowned. Just when she was trying to start the big conversation, Jess didn't want to talk. That bothered her. She wasn't even sure she wanted to talk about all their issues, but at least she was making the attempt. Perhaps Jess wasn't any different than he was before, perhaps he was just the same little rebel who ran away. 

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Author's Note: SO sorry for the long delay. I am now on Thanksgiving Break in my first year at college and so these past few months have been so hectic and I haven't been able to sit down and write something for the story. But I hope this is a decent update, get to see a little more Rory behind the "I'm OK" facade she usually puts up. Also, I haven't seen any of season 4 because TV is hard to access in college, so I will be doing my own thing and drawing from my own experiences. Hopefully you will enjoy it! Take care and let me know what you think!


	14. Tip of the Argument

Rory chewed her food slowly, the slower she chewed, the more she thought. She was in an absolutely sour mood. Lorelai tried joking around with her, but Rory only bantered with her mother half-heartedly. She didn't even really understand why she was so moody. Jess didn't want to talk about the heavy stuff, fine. No, that wasn't fine. Didn't she deserve to talk and possibly shout her head off at him for doing what he did? Didn't she deserve some sort of explanation, some answer to all the _why_ questions that plagued her mind? Yes, she most certainly did. And Jess said he wasn't ready. Well, when was he going to be ready? Probably never, she thought cynically.

"More coffee?"

Rory looked up to see Jess holding a pot over her cup about to pour.

"No thanks," she replied.

He frowned. She never said no to coffee.

"What's wrong?" Jess asked.

Rory shook her head casually. "Nothing," she said, picking at the remnant of pancake that remained on her plate.

"Look, Rory, you've been sorta quiet for the past two days. You sure you don't wanna talk about something?" Jess pressed on.

Rory's head shot up. "What's the point? You don't want to talk about it," she snapped back, getting off of the stool and walking out of _Luke's_.

Jess stared after her, his mouth slightly ajar. So that was what this was all about. Yesterday she gave him a tame version of the silent treatment. She only talked to him to order food and didn't meet him at the bridge like she had done for the past few days.

He had only tried to be honest with her the other day when he didn't want to talk about the past. Ironically, the truth, which was always emphasized as the good thing, screwed him over.

So why did he not want to talk about it? Well, apart from the inevitable shouting match that would surely result from opening that can of worms, he was still scared. Still unsure. Still...ashamed. _With good reason_, he thought.

But what was worse? Avoiding the subject completely and then having Rory disappointed and angry at him or facing what he ran away from, what he was still running away from. In a weird way, by coming back here and avoiding the subject, he was still running. But he was trying to make it better too! He shook his head in frustration and confusion. He was so stuck.

Rory heard the knock at the door. When she opened it, she was taken off guard when she saw Jess standing pensively in front of her.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she replied, not bothering to hide the surprise and bit of coldness in her voice. "Do you want to come in?"

"Uh, yeah," Jess replied, shifting uncomfortably and stepping into the Gilmore house.

"So, what do you want?" Rory asked rudely, grabbing one elbow with her other hand and biting her nail. She made her way to the kitchen and grabbed a soda, handing another one to Jess.

Jess didn't reply right away. "I'll talk," he said quietly at he stood there in her kitchen.

Rory scoffed. "Don't let me twist your arm," she replied sarcastically.

"What? You wanted me to talk. So I'll talk..."

"Geez, Jess. That's not supposed to be how it is! You should talk because you want to talk. Because you feel you should talk. Don't put this on me," Rory snapped.

Jess was getting flustered now. "At Luke's you were being moody because I didn't want to talk on the bridge before. Now I'm telling you that I'll talk and you don't want me to talk? I don't get it, Rory," he shouted back.

"You should talk because you want to," she repeated loudly.

Jess sighed loudly. "Rory, I don't think I'll ever want to talk about it."

"Well then, I guess we won't be talking anytime soon," Rory replied stubbornly.

"Shit! Do you know why I don't want to talk?" Jess asked passionately. Rory didn't respond. "Because I knew this would happen. We would get into this argument and this whole thing would blow up."

"You don't think I deserve to blow up at you? After what you did? After you just left?" Rory said, each question getting louder and louder and her anger increased.

The whole reason for why they were arguing with each other returned to Jess. He inhaled and exhaled and whispered, "Of course you do."

Rory looked at him in surprise. They had just been shouting at each other and all of the sudden Jess sounded so small. His eyes were full of sadness and regret and shame. She looked away.

Jess stood there in the Gilmore kitchen, clutching the soda can that was now warm. He waited for Rory to shout at him some more, to vent all her hurt and frustrations at him. He had been so inadequate for her in so many respects, but the least he could do for her now was stand there as she lashed out at him.

But there was no lashing. He looked at Rory, whose eyes seemed to be welling up with tears.

"Rory..." Jess said quietly, putting the soda can on the table and taking a few steps towards her.

She took a few steps back to maintain the distance between them. "Don't Jess," she replied, her voice on the verge of breaking. "You need to go. I'll see you later," she added, unable to look at him.

Jess sighed, defeated. "Yeah." He walked to her back door next to the refrigerator. "I'm sorry that I dragged you into my shitty life. You made...you make me happy. And you are the only person I wanted to make happy, but then I realized that I wouldn't be able to do that. Running away is what I do best. I'm a coward, Rory."

Rory refused to look at him as he opened the door and walked out, but she heard the door shut behind him and knew that he was gone.

****

Author's Note: Hi everyone! Sorry for the long long time between updates. I put this story away because I didn't know where exactly to go with it, but I think I have more of an idea now and I felt inspired to write some more. Just for clarification, this takes place in December of 2003 - so Jess never made that STUPID return where he said he loved Rory and ran away and then returned telling Rory that they should run away together and Rory and Dean NEVER slept together (gross!). I started writing this before Season 4 began, so just take this as a post-season-3 fanfic. Alright, please let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!


	15. Screw Introspection, She Wants Answers

Rory just stood there for a while, arms crossed in front of her chest and tears threatening to pour out of her eyes. Internally she laughed at the melodrama. Then again, most things with Jess had been dramatic.

But what the hell just happened? Jess saying he was a coward? Saying how he actually felt? Ladies and gentlemen, we have entered the Twilight Zone...cue the music. Rory shook her head and exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She seemed to hold her breath whenever she didn't want to cry, and today wasn't another day she would cry over Jess. Eventually her nerves calmed and she went to take a nap. It had taken a lot of energy not to cry.

* * *

"So you guys fought?" Lane asked from her bed as Rory paced incessantly in front of her a few hours later.

"Yeah, well, no, not really. There was yelling for like ten seconds, and then he just looked so...defeated. And then he said this stuff about being happy with me and being a coward," Rory rambled on before collapsing on the bed next to Lane.

"Introspection," Lane mused.

"What?"

"Well, Jess admitted his weakness, well, at least one of them. I mean, the kid's got a lot..." Lane said.

"Lane? Point?"

"Right. I'm trying to say that he's growing up, observing himself. It's impressive, people don't like to do it because they aren't sure that what they will see they will like," Lane explained.

"How do you know that?"

"Psych class I took. I'm thinking that I might be a psych major, or at least get a minor if Mama Kim wants me to major in religious studies," Lane replied.

Rory laughed. "One day, Lane, you're going to have to tell your mother how you feel about your religion."

"Ah, yes, but today is not the day. Besides, I'm still up in the air about religion. Jesus is cool but I also like Led Zeppelin. I'll have to do the dreaded introspection before I talk to Mama Kim, because when I talk to her I tend to ramble and if I ramble, my point will be lost and I'll forget what I'm trying to say, which will dilute anything I'm saying..."

"Lane, you're rambling," Rory noted.

"Huh? Oh, right, you see? This is what introspection gets you."

Rory just smiled.

* * *

Jess castigated himself all the way back to Luke's. Why did he have to blurt out all those things? Why did he have to show weakness? It seemed good at the time, but as he replayed the events in his head, he just sounded stupider and stupider each time.

Opening the door of Luke's so that the jingle of the door was loud and irregular got him a lot of curious looks from the customers who were enjoying their New Year's Eve's late lunch.

Jess sighed before taking off his jacket and heading behind the counter to get a coffee pot for refills.

Luke did the wise thing and did not ask Jess what was bug crawled up his you-know-what to get his nephew into such a funk. Then again, it wasn't hard to figure out what had gotten Jess so upset. Girl, 5'7", smart, sweet, bookish, coffee-addict, attends Yale, has a crazy, charismatic, and ridiculously sexy mother...yeah, it didn't take much for Luke to figure it out.

The two men, well, the man and the boy-struggling-to-become-a-man, worked in silence for the remainder of the afternoon. Dinnertime rolled around eventually and that meant the possibility of seeing Lorelai and Rory for their burgers, fries, and coffees. But to Luke's surprise and Jess' relief (and a bit of disappointment), only Lorelai came to eat dinner.

"Where's Rory?" Luke asked as he placed Lorelai's food in front of her on the counter. He liked it when Lorelai ate at the counter; she kept him company and he didn't have to traverse to some table to talk to her.

"With Lane. They ordered Indian and I wasn't in the mood," Lorelai explained.

"Ah, don't blame you," Luke replied. "So what'll it be?"

"Um, the usual," Lorelai replied.

"Now, which 'usual' would that be? The coffee usual, the coffee and Danish usual, the coffee and blueberry muffin usual, the coffee and burger usual, the coffee and burger and fries usual, or the coffee and burger, hold the tomatoes, extra grilled onions, and extra crispy fries usual?" Luke asked.

Lorelai smiled at him. "You just made a joke," she said.

"It doesn't happen too often, so savor it while you can," Luke replied.

"Oh, yes, savoring," Lorelai said, still smiling. "And it'll be the coffee and burger, hold the tomatoes, extra grilled onions, and extra crispy fries usual."

"Coming right up," Luke said.

When her food had arrived, Lorelai asked Luke, "So, how are you bringing in the New Year?"

"Same way I always do. In bed, asleep," he replied.

"Aw, that's no fun. You should come to the bonfire," Lorelai replied.

"The town has a bonfire for everything. Valentines, town anniversary, New Years...I'm surprised the town hasn't burned down," Luke said.

"True, but during this bonfire there's champagne and we can all watch Taylor get smashed."

"Oh, joy, what I live for," Luke deadpanned.

"You should come," Lorelai insisted.

"I'll think about it," he replied.

* * *

The bonfire was pretty big, and it was quite warm, but Rory's mind was distracted. She was so distracted that Taylor singing show tunes after one too many glasses of champagne didn't even entertain her. She was, undoubtedly, thinking about Jess. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to tell him off - to give him a piece of her mind that she had been keeping inside ever since his return. He comes back, without even a good excuse, and manages once again to slip under her defenses. Then they become friends again, or something that resembles friends. Then she asked him to talk to her about what happened, and he refuses. Well, damn it, she was tired of being the patient one. She was tired of being the one waiting around for Jess to be ready to open up. She was ready to open up now - open up and let out all her frustrations. Introspection be damned, she didn't care how much soul searching Jess had done if it didn't mean he would share it with her.

It was getting close to the New Year, but Rory didn't really care. She saw Jess leave the front of the diner with a large bag of trash and headed towards him. She didn't even notice when Luke emerged from the diner and said hello to her before heading over to the bonfire. She watched Jess fling the bag of trash into the dumpster and intercepted him on his way back inside the diner.

"Rory," Jess said, clearly surprised to see her. Wasn't she supposed to be avoiding him?

"I want answers," she said sternly.

"Rory..."

"I deserve answers," she said, cutting him off. "It's totally unfair of you to just waltz back in here and become my friend again and not give me answers."

Jess looked discreetly at his watch. "Rory..."

"I've waited six months for answers and I'm sick of waiting. I'm glad that you seemed to have gotten a lot of yourself together. You know, the GED and paying Luke back for the mess at Kyle's, and working at the diner and introspection, and whatever but that doesn't change the fact that you still haven't told me what happened, why you left, what I did to make you leave, why you never called or wrote or e-mailed. Why you just disappeared, and now you come back and I'm supposed to feel angry and bitter and hateful towards you because you did all those things, but I'm more upset at myself for feeling happy that you're back. And I'm upset at myself because I still like talking to you and I want to talk to you for as long as you're here. But how long will that be? And then you'll leave and I'll hurt again, and the cycle will continue," Rory ranted.

She breathed in deeply, not realizing how oxygen-consuming ranting could be. Then suddenly she felt Jess' lips on hers. They were soft and hot and wet and...wonderful. She kissed him back; she had wanted to kiss him since she saw him outside her house. But then she suddenly pulled away, angry that Jess had used such an antic.

"I can't believe you just did that. Do you think kissing me makes this all go away? Makes this all better? I know in movies the guy kisses the angry girl and she melts into a puddle of giggly goop and that's supposed to be romantic or sexy or something, but I'm not that kind of girl. I'm still upset and I still want answers and I want you to talk now," she demanded.

Jess sighed as he tried to process all that she had said. He didn't think she was the confrontational type, but things change. "Happy New Year, Rory," he said quietly as his gaze went to the bonfire where couples were still kissing and bringing in the New Year.

Rory's eyes followed Jess, and she saw Sookie and Jackson kissing. And she saw Luke and her mother in a rather tight embrace. She would have to remember to talk to her mom about that later.

"I didn't mean to curb your anger. But I didn't want the moment to go to waste either," Jess explained.

Rory nodded. "Understandable," she replied as stoically as possible. She tucked some invisible hair behind her ear and crossed her arms, wondering if she appeared composed. She certainly didn't feel it. "Answers, Jess," she reminded him.

* * *

Author's Note: I know! It's been a year! I'm a horrible horrible irresponsible writer for not updating sooner, but I had lost all inspiration to continue this story. I have become disillussioned with the current storyline on GG and I just didn't like writing it. Everything I wrote sounded wrong, so I waited until something felt right. I've been watching Season 2 episodes on ABC Family channel and that's made me regain some of my passion for GG. So, hopefully I will be updating more frequently. Thanks to all who review, please let me know what you think.


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